My children always want to play….with mom. I know for children, this is their main job, to play. This is how they learn, how they spend their days, how they are fulfilled. And moms job is to keep all the balls in the air.
I am always looking for a balance on play and chores. My daughter actually told me the other day that kids jobs are to play and moms job is to do chores. My son once told me he wished he had two moms, one that could do all the cooking and cleaning, and one that could always play. Do any other mothers struggle with this?
I had no idea that as a mother this would be a very hard thing for me, day in and day out. When they were little I would read about mothers spending a half hour with their children, really playing and pouring into them and then they would send them off to play on their own, while they got things done around the home. This can be helpful, and I have used this method with my small children, but as my children get older, this gets more difficult.
There is an excessive amount of work to be done, all the time. I have tried many different cleaning schedules, meal prep ideas, all to come back to not having enough time to play. Also many times I will let my children maybe watch a show or a movie while I run around and get things done, maybe even tasks that I need a quiet space for. Then the show is over, I’m tired and haven’t sat down for a stretch and the kids are ready to go, and ready to play!
Many times I will have to say no, and tell them I will watch them play, but mom needs a minute of rest. But in the back of my mind I know that there will be a day that they don’t ask mom to play. That they won’t need me to play and that makes me try harder and play as much as I can. But there is never enough time or energy from mom.
Many times I will get sucked into this false belief that if I was only more organized, if I had things figured out more and was on top of things better, then I wouldn’t feel so pulled in all the directions, always falling short and disappointing one or more of my children. Isn’t this why cleaning schedules, meal prep ideas, grocery shopping tips, laundry routines and the list goes on has literally taken over the internet? Mothers are very much trying to get some sense of control in one or more areas of their life so this whole mothering thing doesn’t feel completely out of control.
I am not against a good schedule or list. I have quick chore lists for my children, and I try to make a running grocery list. More often the list or the schedule gives me hope that things will be different. This new little schedule is really going to shake things up and give me more time, it’s just what I need. Because really I am drowning in the “to do’s” and don’t see an end in sight.
But the reality is the day is only so long and moms energy so abundant. Furthermore, I do not believe that 100 years ago all children were sent out to play and unregarded for the entire day. Sure, I do know there was a lot of children gone playing for the day while the mother worked all day but if we really took a step back in time, I’m certain, play or tasks were created for the children. Children also worked alongside the mother or father doing laundry, working in the garden or helping with animals and daily chores.
I don’t have an excellent “this is what you do” for this struggle of mine. Thirty five years ago I remember playing a lot by myself and my siblings, and I also remember just hanging out with my mom, talking her ear off while she did all the household things, and I ultimately would stir something, set the table, or fold towels alongside her. I imagine there is not a solution, just finding peace with the reality that there are many things to conquer during the day for a household to run. Also knowing that I try, I try hard to provide a home where food is provided, laundry is clean, games are played and love is abound. Playtime will never be perfect or scheduled or magically easy. But play time also equals time spent together, and we already do plenty of this.
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