“Have any plans this summer?”
I have noticed something over the last few years that didn’t exist when I was growing up. Now days when you see someone you haven’t seen in a while, instead of them saying, “Hi, how are you?” I am greeted with, “Hey, what have you been up to?”
I know in most cases, they are just wondering how I have been. But they more importantly want to know how I am based on what I have been doing. This is so interesting to me and I attribute much of it to social media, and just the way of the world these days. With so much emphasis on “showing” people what is going on in our lives constantly, there is much more pressure to be doing amazing things, ALL THE TIME.
I LOVE being home. This is not news to anyone who knows me well. I am an official homebody. I am happiest at home, and my husband and I have spent a lot of time and money to make our home a place where we do want to be most of the time. But I do see so many people all around me going and doing a lot. Our home prices are at an all time high. Americans are going into a lifetime of debt to be a homeowner. Yet, we are out and about the majority of the time.
Keeping Up
I get it, there are a lot of fun things to be doing, but it’s not a race or a competition. I remember when my 2nd grader came home from school upset one day. Upset because kids at school gave him a hard time for never having been to Red Robin. I laughed in my mind, but consoled my son all the same. Because for him, it was kind of a big deal. As the years have gone on for him, this sense of “what are you doing?” hasn’t let up.
I also witnessed it first hand in 3rd grade when I volunteered in my son’s class for a morning. They had a share time where they were to talk with their partner about ever riding on a ferry. This continued on for a good 5-7 minutes. I knew my child had share time, but I didn’t realize the questions were so much of what have you done, or what are you going to be doing. In elementary school I think “what are your favorite” questions would be more appropriate.
So you can imagine all the things other kids have done and will be doing stories that have come my way that well, we are not doing. This is challenging for us grown ups to witness all around us, but for children, it is confusing.
How it has changed from then to now
I think of school for me growing up, and it was hard enough to try to be prevalent with my clothes, hair, etc. But add what I have been doing on top of that? What!? I never ever remember hearing about what my peers were doing in elementary school. There were never giant announcements of the trips or vacations they would be taking. There was never emphasis on what everyone was doing outside of school.
My family rarely took vacations, a road trip here or there to visit family or maybe camping. Definitely not Disneyland every year or constant travel to amusement parks. Growing up we ate at home every day except for the occasional Friday when we ordered pizza. If we went out to eat it was rare, and more out of necessity than for entertainment.
Feeling the Pressure
So as summer is approaching all the “do you have any big plans for summer?” questions have been emerging. Big plans. I too have fallen into this go, go, do, mentality when it comes to my chief position as “Mom- Maker of Fun.” Of course I want my children’s summer to be full of fun and full of memories like mine were.
As our family made our list of “Things we want to do” and “Things we want to eat” for summer, I started to get caught up in it all. I asked my husband if we should get a bigger tent this summer? It would be nice to spruce up our fire pit, or maybe we should take a small road trip to where I grew up? Should we get a Y membership this summer? Do we have time to do that this year?
Summer Today vs the 90’s
With his great wisdom and perspective my husband said “Do we need to do any of that?” He then said that when he was a kid during the summer, his sisters and him watched Maury or Judge Judy or whatever other daytime show that happened to be on that they could stand to watch. They fended for themselves, making whatever food they had in the house. They played in the backyard, entertaining themselves while his parents were at work all day. Then the weekend came and his parents re-grouped, rested and got ready for another week of work.
His parents were not planning or making fun for him just because it was summer. He then looked at me and my list and said, our kids have a giant yard, and property to roam, all the outside toys you can think of, every show or movie you can imagine ready to play at any given moment on multiple apps, continuous snacks and food, and mom home to provide them and play with them all day. He looked at me and said, “Isn’t this enough?”
Content at Home
Of course he is right. As I reeled from all the things we could or should do over the summer I came to this awareness. We will have fun this summer.
We will go to our favorite parks, the beach, and our favorite ice cream shop. Food will be grilled and enjoyed on our deck. Their will be berry picking and late night movies. We will make s’mores at the fire pit, and ice cold lemonade on super hot days. Badminton will be played with our net that has sustained much abuse over the years. We will stay up late jumping on the trampoline, playing music and getting bitten by mosquitoes. We will ride bikes, see our grandparents and just be together.
It will be full and busy and laid back and easy. Our family won’t get on a plane or go on a roadtrip. We won’t document “all we are doing” and post it for the world. We will take lots of pictures though and we will make many, many memories. It won’t cost much, it won’t be very “share worthy” to our classmates, but it will be fun, and it will be enough.
There is so much pressure all around us to do what everyone else is doing or to do something even better, funner, more expensive. I have never been one to keep up with the Jone’s. See my post on A Crisis and how I tend to go against the flow of society.
But I can feel this need to go and do and see and be seen, domineering our society. Thus resulting in disdain towards normal, simple life and it’s place and necessity in this world.
It’s the Small Things
I do want to do fun things with my children. We want to go to Disneyland someday and even take a roadtrip to where I grew up. Yellowstone and Mount Rushmore and countless other places call my name. But I do want my children to be able to appreciate the little things, the everyday mundane things.
I want my children to delight in our favorite homemade dinner and not feel let down because we didn’t go out to eat. I want them to get excited about visiting our local park with the familiarness and satisfaction, without wishing it was the popular amusement park a few hours away. Finding joy in the small things I believe will carry them far in life. Contentment is learned and something us mothers must teach and model to them daily. Easy? No not easy, but so valuable.
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