I did it. I’m still here. And all my children are at school. I have dreaded this day for the last five years. And regardless of my feelings, this day came like any other day and now I am at home alone. Most days I want to cry or scream, but instead I keep moving. I clean this or that, prep dinner, or work on the million other tasks that are constantly looming around my home. And I wait until 2:45 when I leave to go pick them up.
Do you ever feel like the only mom in the whole world who is really having a hard time with this? Do you feel like there is no one to talk to about this? I don’t know anyone who feels like I do about sending my children to school, so I keep it in so long sometimes I think I might burst.
Most days I feel like I can’t relate to anyone, especially when it comes to my thoughts about school. See my full post here https://www.motherhoodcrisis.com/a-mothers-sentiment-on-school-not-the-popular-opinion/ Many days I feel like there is something wrong with me. But, I do believe us mothers have kind of created an impossible environment for struggle.
I feel like I have entered back into high school. The feeling of competition and social dynamics that swirl around between other mothers and teachers, feels hard for me to even comprehend. Even though I am not participating, I’m in it whether I want to be or not.
I really wish there was a safe place for mothers, where everyone could come together and be real. I long for and gravitate towards those other human beings that are not perfect and are standing up and saying, “this is hard.” Otherwise I just feel like I’m the only one struggling. Struggling through the day, and struggling to keep up the facade that it’s all great. But, I also don’t want to always be the downer, because truly it is ok, and I’m fine and I’m very blessed. But… some days are hard.
I recently watched a lady tell her story of her escape from one of the Twin Towers on 9/11. She described her whole journey of getting out of the tower, running from the towers and all that happened to her along the way. She said that she had lost her slip on shoes at some point and a stranger gave her some shoes. Another stranger gave her $40.00 just so she would have some cash in case she needed it. And she said that everyone just came together and helped each other. Everyone.
I thought about this and realized that people were able to come together and help each other so easily because they were all suffering, and the suffering was visible right before their eyes.
Most days us humans are suffering in some way, but others around us don’t always know about it. Everyone goes on about their day and acts aloof, cold and even hurtful towards others.
I have really thought about this and how this could change the lives of mothers and parents in general. Of course I say mothers because I am a mother and there is a lot of attention on the crisis that mothers are in right now. We could chat for days on the topic. Really though, what if every mother out there could see and know the pain, the struggle, the hardship we are all going through?
Because there is this sense that other mothers are doing this better than me, so I would never admit to having a hard time.
Imagine if at the school drop off, your struggle for the day was written on the side of your car. I mean, I know, crazy and silly idea. But what if? What if the car ahead of you said boldy in big letters:
“My child cried all morning because he really doesn’t like school and doesn’t want to go.”
“My baby was up all night with a fever and I haven’t slept a wink.”
“I have to work late tonight and my son has to go to the boys and girls club after school. He hates it, and I feel terrible.”
“My daughter has been sick for a week and is nervous to go back, lots of tears this morning from her and I.”
“I am super sick, but my kids are feeling better, so back to school we go.”
“I’m in my first trimester of pregnancy with our third baby and I had to pull over and throw up on the way here.”
“I am so, so tired, and I don’t see anything getting easier.”
“I have to help my ailing grandmother today, be back to get the children in time for pick up, and try to do it all.”
“We have to take our dog to be put down tonight. We are all so sad.”
“I have to call the plumber today and I really don’t have the money to call the plumber.”
“My son has missed so much school this year from being sick that I’m sending him with a bad cough still, hoping he does ok.”
“I feel like I can’t do all of this, and I have no one to even say this to.”
“My mom passed away last week.”
“I hope I have enough gas to get back home and back to school to pick up my daughter this afternoon.”
Imagine if things like this were written on the cars around you at drop off. Would we be more compassionate? Would we let the lady go in front of us even though it’s our turn? Would we smile more and wave? I have to say I have always said when someone is driving too slow or making driving errors whenever I am on the road, “Maybe their mom just died.” I really try to think of all the things people are going through and how that affects them and their actions.
Imagine if we always came together, always helped each other, were always loving towards others? Imagine if mothers could really voice what they are feeling,? And imagine if other mothers would let their guard down, their pride go and say yes, this is hard for me too? If we could come together regularly even when there is not a visible or known crisis?
I know we will never have our struggles written large across our cars. But kindness and compassion can go a long way for mothers and our children.
I hope whatever struggle you face today, know you are not alone.
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